Archive for the ‘Football’ Category
March 5th, 2000 | 
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Pick kickers early!
We'll start with the obvious, and there's no sign more glaring that a fellow owner spends too much time watching Joey reruns than picking a kicker in the 7th round. Seriously, if you're expecting Jeff Wilkins to outscore most decent second-tier wideouts on a regular basis, you're destined for Flushing Meadows. Consider picking your first kicker sometime after the World Series celebrations are over.
I gave up studying in college!
What, me study? Yes indeed: you study, Geico pitchman. If you think a quick glance at 2007 stats is enough preparation for your draft, consider applying for a job with the Lions organization. Seriously. You know why the Lions haven't sniffed the playoffs since Wayne Fontes got canned? Matt Millen no study. It's true. See 1996-2007.
I haven't seen a doctor in yeeaaaars!
So you don't like to read the injury report? Who does!? Injuries can be so gruesome, and it's hard to tell if Mike Shanahan is telling the truth. Actually, it is: if an injury concerns a Denver player, don't worry. Unless of course it's a running back, in which case grab anyone else from Denver with RB-eligibility, especially rookies. It's written into the NFL bylaws that the second-string back in Denver hits 1,000 yards each year.
Autodraft is your friend!
Autodraft is your friend in the same way that Jesse Jackson is Barack Obama's buddy: Jesse may make you feel like a brother in arms at first, but if you don't keep an eye on him, your nuts will be cut off faster than Drew Peterson's line of credit at a gun store. You'd best be protecting your nuts, if you know what I'm sayin'.
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Posted in Football | 
Tags: Autodraft, Bad Karma, Barack Obama, Brother In Arms, Game Day, Gun Store, Injury Report, Jeff Wilkins, Lions Organization, Matt Millen, Mike Shanahan, Natural Enemy, Nfl Bylaws, Nfl Game, Peyton Manning, Pitchman, S Line, Second String, Telling The Truth, Wayne Fontes | 
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